When He was Gone; Part 2

Finally she rose from the pillow. Tears had fallen from her eyes for an hour, maybe more maybe less. She went to the shower and let the hot water cascade onto her face. It still felt like her warm tears lay on her face. But she knew now no more would fall. She wasn't sure if they ever would again. She dressed in dark colors. He had always liked her in dark colors, though he would have been happy with her in his old sweatpants. He loved her in anything. Maybe the dark dress clothes were wrong. But it was expected.

Last night was hard. Today would be harder. More people expressing sorrow and condolences. The older women, the widows saying they understood that they too had been there. She would give the expected half a smile of gratitude and talk to the next. But none of them understood. How could they? No one had exactly what they had. No one knew what it was like to lay in his arms and feel completely loved. At peace, comforted. And she had made him feel the same way. It was an understanding they had. They knew what they had and what it meant. No one else had exactly that. No one else could know her grief exactly. Now she had to face the day. She stepped into the hallway. She had to get their daughter.

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She was six years old. She knew what had happened and she understood. He wasn't coming back. Her mother had explained it very clearly to her, like she was a grown up. And she was capable of understanding it this way. She was far from dumb, and surpassed the intellect of most adults. She sat on the edge of her bed holding a stuffed dog. He had given it to her when she turned 3. The dog had become her favorite toy. She called him Rufus, though it hardly seemed important now. The dog's name didn't matter. It mattered that she still had a piece of him.

The other grown ups had tried to talk to her like a child. Telling her stories to ease her mind. They had all seemed full of holes. So she had asked her mother. Her mother had told her the truth. That she didn't know what happened after he died. Maybe he was watching from somewhere, maybe he was just gone. No one could know. This was ok with her. She had appreciated her mother's honesty. That made more sense then the fairy tales the old people told her with wings and halos. He would look silly with wings. If he was watching, then he could just see, he didn't need wings to fly around. That seemed silly.

She heard the floorboards in the hall creaking. She crossed the room with the Rufus dog under her arm. He was going to say good bye too. It was only right. The door opened and her mother smiled at her. She took her hand. And together they went to face the day.